A Nailbitingly Divine Yodeller

“You know what the ingredients of a kiss are? Lips and love.”

We were discussing monuments, and Andy speculated that each country probably has one.

Andy: But wait, the United States has Mount Rushmore and the Statue of Liberty. So we actually have two monuments!

Me: We actually have a lot of monuments. Way more than two. Like, there’s one in Washington, D.C., called the Washington Monument. [Earlier the subject of Washington, the state, vs. Washington, D.C., had come up, so this wasn't a totally random example. In case you were wondering.]

Andy: Oh right! That one’s just a big spike, right?

Me: Yeah.

Andy: I wonder why it’s just a big spike like that.

Me. …

Andy: I know. It’s probably because he was a vampire hunter. Because you can slay vampires with a stake.

Andy was playing with an Iron Man action figure while.

Andy: Uh-oh!

Me: What? Did he break?

Andy: Yeah.

Me: Can you fix him?

Andy: Yeah, I can reattach his severed hand. I can do some plastic surgery. Get it? Yuk yuk yuk.

Andy was watching Netflix, and he got upset at an unrealistic bit: “That’s so stupid! They just killed a ghost with fire. The only way to kill a ghost is with scissors!”

1. Don’t befriend anyone who likes to wear long, flowing black robes.

2. Don’t befriend anyone who floats supernaturally.

3. Don’t befriend anyone whose body is made up entirely of bones.

4. Don’t befriend anyone who carries a huge scythe and who takes people to the underworld.

5. Don’t befriend anyone who likes hanging out in the cemetery.

Andy: Good thing today isn’t St. Sarahson’s Day.

Me: What’s St. Sarahson’s Day?

Andy: It’s a holiday where you have to wear all clean clothes or you get tickled.

Andy stubbed his toe and was heard to exclaim: “Ow! Son of a crap-a-rooni!”

Andy: Do you have to go to work today?

Me: Yeah.

Andy: Dang it!