The orientation at Andy’s school was Thursday night. Even though it was cool outside, it was sweltering in the school, especially in his classroom.

Andy: I have to leave. My eyes need a shower.

Sarah [not really sure what this meant, but eager to leave the room]: Okay, let’s go outside.

Andy [once we were out in the hall]: Whoa, that’s better. That was the worst case of classroomitis I ever had in my life!

Andy ate some taco sauce. Apparently it was a bit spicy.

“Now that was gnarly! I’m calling this the most dramatic day of my life.”

Andy was telling me his latest plan for a road trip. I wasn’t really listening, but I did catch the end of the plan:

“…and you can give them free access to your bank account and your money. Okay?”

While settling in for bed last night, Andy abruptly threw his pillow on the floor and replaced it with a clearly superior one.

“Good-bye sappy pillow, hello comfortable!”

Andy and I just read a book called Greedy Apostrophe. (My idea, as you might have guessed.)

Andy: I don’t like the ending. It’s too cheesy.

Me: I liked the ending.

Andy: Sarah, you must be–uh, how can I say this so you won’t be offended?–a ding-dong. Because only a ding-dong would like that ending. And I ain’t a ding-dong. Obviously.

Me: Andy, would you get me two spoons and–

Andy: Hold that thought. [Running up the stairs, yelling:] Bathroom alert! Bathroom alert! Everyone out of the way!

Jay [walking down the stairs]: I got shooed.

At Noodles…

Me: Hey, Andy, listen to the song they’re playing. The singing is in French.

Jay: Quick, what are they saying?

Andy: Something about kill all the humans.

Andy: It’s considered bad luck to die before you’re 100.

Me: Well, any time you die it’s bad luck for you.

Andy: Yeah. Well, I think it’s good luck if you complete all of life’s accomplishments.

Andy: Sit here and read your book. I’ll be over there, and I won’t be doing anything suspicious.

Me: That makes me suspicious.

Andy: No, I said I won’t be doing anything suspicious.

[I continued to watch him.]

Andy: It might look like I’m doing something suspicious, but that’s just a hallucination I caused. The cure is to look at your book.

“You know why dogs and cats fight? Well, everyone knows that they hate each other. But…and now, you might think this is bogus or, as I like to say, bopkis, or nonsense, but cats even hate each other. Because they’re loners.”