A Nailbitingly Divine Yodeller

Shower time

Sarah — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 19:45:30 +0000

The orientation at Andy’s school was Thursday night. Even though it was cool outside, it was sweltering in the school, especially in his classroom.

Andy: I have to leave. My eyes need a shower.

Sarah [not really sure what this meant, but eager to leave the room]: Okay, let’s go outside.

Andy [once we were out in the hall]: Whoa, that’s better. That was the worst case of classroomitis I ever had in my life!

Drama prince

Sarah — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 23:35:58 +0000

Andy ate some taco sauce. Apparently it was a bit spicy.

“Now that was gnarly! I’m calling this the most dramatic day of my life.”

Can you guess my answer?

Sarah — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:33:02 +0000

Andy was telling me his latest plan for a road trip. I wasn’t really listening, but I did catch the end of the plan:

“…and you can give them free access to your bank account and your money. Okay?”

Good-bye, hello

Sarah — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 11:42:23 +0000

While settling in for bed last night, Andy abruptly threw his pillow on the floor and replaced it with a clearly superior one.

“Good-bye sappy pillow, hello comfortable!”

None taken

Sarah — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 19:14:49 +0000

Andy and I just read a book called Greedy Apostrophe. (My idea, as you might have guessed.)

Andy: I don’t like the ending. It’s too cheesy.

Me: I liked the ending.

Andy: Sarah, you must be–uh, how can I say this so you won’t be offended?–a ding-dong. Because only a ding-dong would like that ending. And I ain’t a ding-dong. Obviously.

This is not a drill

Sarah — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 02:33:16 +0000

Me: Andy, would you get me two spoons and–

Andy: Hold that thought. [Running up the stairs, yelling:] Bathroom alert! Bathroom alert! Everyone out of the way!

Jay [walking down the stairs]: I got shooed.

Muzak goes global

Sarah — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 23:04:47 +0000

At Noodles…

Me: Hey, Andy, listen to the song they’re playing. The singing is in French.

Jay: Quick, what are they saying?

Andy: Something about kill all the humans.

Good luck!

Sarah — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:08:33 +0000

Andy: It’s considered bad luck to die before you’re 100.

Me: Well, any time you die it’s bad luck for you.

Andy: Yeah. Well, I think it’s good luck if you complete all of life’s accomplishments.

Andy is seven!

Sarah — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:20:46 +0000

From Andy’s birthday party on Saturday:

Waiting room conversation

Sarah — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:14:59 +0000

Andy: Sit here and read your book. I’ll be over there, and I won’t be doing anything suspicious.

Me: That makes me suspicious.

Andy: No, I said I won’t be doing anything suspicious.

[I continued to watch him.]

Andy: It might look like I’m doing something suspicious, but that’s just a hallucination I caused. The cure is to look at your book.