Andy: How many more minutes?

Me: Thirty-nine.

[Three minutes later] Andy: Now how many minutes?

Me: Thirty-six.

[Four minutes later] Andy: How many more minutes now?

Me: Thirty-two.

Andy [picking up clock]: Does this thing go any faster if you put something on top of it?

UPDATE: With about seventeen minutes left until the thing he was waiting for so impatiently, he fell asleep on the floor.

…but some day Andy will probably be glad that I don’t. It’s not really necessary anyway, as I’m sure you can visualize:

“Hey mom! Did you know that Underwear Boy wears a utility belt?”

Andy apparently got a chess lesson at Discovery Club (before- and after-school care) today, although we did not enroll him in or pay for this optional enrichment activity. He was telling all about “chests” on the way home from kindergarten:

1. The king is lazy, but

2. the queen is powerful because she can move all over the board. Also she knows karate.

3. The guy in the castle is powerful too. He has jet packs on his castle.

Me: You need to brush all your teeth, honey, not just the ones in front.

Andy: But the ones in back are where the good sugar villains live.

Me: No, they don’t.

Andy: Oh yeah, right. I forgot. I forgot they have suction cups on their feet so they won’t be brushed away.

At about 6:20 this morning, I accidentally woke Andy up while I was getting ready for work.

Andy: Why are you awake now?

Me: I’m getting ready for work.

Andy: Is your work even open now?

Me: It’ll be open by the time I get there. [Sort of true, since the doors to the building are open at 7:00, when I start. The library itself doesn't officially open until 8:00, however.]

Andy: Can’t you call your coworkers and ask if you can not go to work until sunrise?

Andy: Can I pet your dogs? Are they friendly?

Woman: Sure. They are friendly. They might try to lick your ears, though.

Andy: Are you serious?

Woman: Oh yeah. They lick my ears all the time. Sometimes they lick so hard they lick my brain.

Andy [after a pause]: Poppycock!

Andy drew this on his own leg. It’s me…inside a monster’s stomach. I guess he was upset with me.

Andy: I drank all the lemonade.

Me: Throw the container in the recycling bag then.

Andy: Okay…Wait! I’ll save it to use for an art project.

It’s a gun, by the way. Andy wanted Flopsy to pose for my picture of it, although she didn’t help create the artwork.

Andy was taking an unusual (for him) interest in actual details of what I do at work, so I was trying to explain Library of Congress classification in a way that might make sense to him.

Me: So, you know when we’re at the library and you’re looking for a book…[realizing "his" books are mostly in the unclassified children's fiction section]…and I’m looking for a…cookbook? I have to go to the section of the library where the cookbooks are, where the numbers start with TX.

Andy: So you give numbers to cookbooks?

Me: No, we don’t have cookbooks in my library. We have law books. So I might have to give a book one number if it’s about the laws of the United States, where we live, and give a different book a different number if it’s about the laws of, say, Switzerland…

Andy: Do they have different laws in Switzerland?

Me: Yep.

Andy: Is littering allowed in Switzerland?

“I’m Obrack Obama Boy! I fight George Bush!”

Andy’s sandwich, which I don’t need to tell you he made himself: peanut butter and grape jelly (the kind that’s already together in the jar), animal crackers, banana, and pickles. Oh, and I’m sure he would have put ketchup on it if only he’d remembered.