Mr. Krabs [i.e., me]: You’re late for work, Spongebob!

Spongebob [i.e., Andy]: Well I’m a tough guy. Tough guys show up whenever they want.

Mr. Krabs: You’re fired!

Spongebob: Oh yeah? Well, I’ll get the police to arrest you.

Mr. Krabs: The police won’t arrest me for firing you. That’s not against the law.

Spongebob:  But the police are my friends. They’ll arrest you if I tell them to.

Mr. Krabs: That would be very unethical.

Spongebob: No, it wouldn’t. In fact, it is against the law to fire me. I heard Obrack Obama say so in his speech.

Me: Andy, what do you think happened to your chemise*?

Andy: I think it got aten by the Red Goblin.

Me: You think it was eaten by the Red Goblin**?

Andy: I don’t think, I know!

Me: Mmm.

Andy: He doesn’t care how things taste.

*The folder, containing homework, etc., that he is supposed to schlep to and from school each day.

**A monster he is convinced lives at his school and comes out at night.

Andy: Do you know what “Health low” means in WoW*?

Me: What?

Andy: It means your health is low. And do you know what the death signal is?

Me: What?

Andy: [Lies on back with arms and legs splayed out and eyes closed.] This means you’re dead.

*A computer game that Jay and Andy are way into.

Today is a no-school day for Andy, and Jay took the day off too. I got a call at work from Jay this morning from the restaurant where they were enjoying a leisurely pancake breakfast.

Jay: Andy wanted me to call and sing to you: “It’s a beautiful morning…”

Andy [in the background]: Tell her, “It’s too bad you have to work!”

Andy is participating in an art show at his school and the St. Paul Winter Carnival! He spent quite a bit of time working on his masterpiece.  The official title of the work is “Art.”

I was talking to Andy about today’s inauguration and the fact that George Bush left Washington because he is no longer president.

Andy: You be George Bush and I’ll be Andy.

Bush [i.e., me]: Well, I’m leaving now.

Andy: Kick! [Accompanied by a fake kick in the butt.] You’re not president anymore! Barack Obama is!

Andy:  Would you like a ride in my car-slash-house?

Me: Wow, you have a car-slash-house?

Andy: Yeah! It cost one hundred dollars! First I became super-rich, and then I was able to afford it!

“Hey, Sarah, here’s a story that you can tell only to boys. Dylan’s son [i.e., younger brother] put his hand in his diaper, and when he pulled it out, he had poop on his hand. Boys think that’s funny.”

Early this morning…

Andy: I’m reading with the flashlight. I’m not turning on the reading light so Jay won’t have to cover his head with the blanket.

Me: Well, that’s considerate.

Andy: Yeah. I decided to have some manners around this house.

Laying in bed with Andy after stories, Andy asked me how many minutes till morning, I told him that  I did not know. But did tell him that it would be about 12 hours.  He said, just like that 12 hour Mucinex, in 12 hours Mucinex tablet will last.