Andy: Sarah, there’s something I need to tell you.

Me: What?

Andy: I need to tell you the truth about me.

Me: [Waits.]

Andy: I’m not your real son.

Me: How do you figure?

Andy: Well, I’m actually the god of thunder. [Convoluted story ensues about how he turned into the god of thunder when he was three.]

Me: So you used to be my son, but when you turned into the god of thunder you weren’t anymore?

Andy: No, I was never your real son. You’re still pregnant with your real son.

Me: Really!? When will he be born?

Andy: Tomorrow. Don’t you understand that I can’t be your son because I’m the legendary god of thunder?

Phone: [Ring, ring.]

Andy: Hello, this is Andy. We can’t have a conversation now. Please call back tomorrow at eight o’clock.

Phone: [Click.]

Andy suggested that we make a book about Scooby Doo and goblins together. He was trying to instruct me on how he wanted Shaggy drawn. I was getting it all wrong, apparently.

Andy: His shirt doesn’t have to be green! It can be any color you want.

Me: I want it to be green.

Andy: And his pants are not supposed to be brown!! [Grabs paper and rips it up.] My life is ruined!

He cried for a minute, then seemingly pulled himself together. But then…

Andy: Do you know why it was ruined? Because you weren’t supposed to make him smiling, you nincompoop! [More crying.] Curse you!…Curse you!

Andy likes to ask us math questions. If they’re ones we think he can figure out, like “What’s seven plus two?” we ask him, “What do you think it is?” But if they’re more complicated we just tell him the answer and usually explain only if he asks.

So very early this morning Andy was quizzing me. He started out with easy ones, and then proceeded to:

Andy: What’s eighty million multi-ply eighty million?

Me: Let’s see…sixty-four…I think I’d need a paper and pencil to keep track of all the zeros. [Did I mention it was very early in the morning?]

Andy: Sarah, do you know what multi-ply means?

Me: Yes.

Andy: Then why aren’t you super good at it?

We were watching cartoons this morning and Transformers came on.

Me: Your Uncle Jonathan used to love this show.

Andy: Does he hate it now?

Me: Mmm…I don’t think he gets the channel that it’s on.

[Note: Actually I think he probably does get Cartoon Network, so I'm not sure why I said this. Maybe because I didn't want to break it to Andy that adults don't necessarily still love the cartoons they did when they were kids.]

Andy: Well, why doesn’t he go to a motel where he can watch it?

Me: I guess he could.

Andy: I feel sad for him. I love it too.

The first was uttered in anger; the second was just an observation.

1. “If you were a booger I’d eat you!”

2. “Sometimes I get a butt wedgie. That’s when my butt sticks together.”

Andy has new glasses! Well, “new” frames anyway.

Here are the lenses that used to be in Andy’s “new” frames.

Bad dog!

The following conversation took place as Andy got off the school bus yesterday:

Me: Hi cutie pie!

Andy: Sarah, is tomorrow St. Patrick’s Day?

Me: Yep.

Andy: Well, I don’t want to wear green.

Me: If you don’t wear green I’ll get to tickle* you.

Andy: If you tickle me I’ll take you off my best friends’ list.

Me: Why don’t you want to wear green?

Andy: Green reminds me of poison. And poison makes me think of superheroes. And I’m trying to stay calm at school.

 *We didn’t think it would be a good idea to introduce him to the idea of pinching people who don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.

Here is a look at the newest rising star!
Andy’s super hero school play

While I was getting ready for work this morning I heard Andy downstairs screaming. (I hadn’t even known he was up until then.) They didn’t sound like screams of pain or fear, so I didn’t rush down to see what was going on. A few minutes later he came upstairs.

“Good morning, Mr. Noisy,” I said.

“Yeah,” he half-said, half-sighed. “There was a problem with the computer I had to take care of.”