Yesterday morning I noticed a sign on the bedroom door that Andy had apparently taped there the previous evening: “Mom and Dad’s room.” I looked at his bedroom door to see if he’d put a similar sign there, and he had…sort of. His read: “Andy’s kingdom.”

Andy read this book to me a few nights ago, it was so impressive that I need to do a video. Now for a note-neither his father or mother has ever read this book to him, he did this on his own-

Apropos of nothing (that I know of) Andy set up an insult stand and sat on the sidewalk advertising: “Insults! Get your insults here!”

Andy: Sarah, do you know what eleven plus thirteen is?

Me: Yes, I do. Do you know?

Andy: Twenty-four.

Me: That’s right!

Andy: And do you know what human plus cape is?

Me: Uh…what?

Andy: A superhero with flying superability.

“Did you know that Captain Underpants borrows a French word? Yeah, when he says ‘tra-la-la.’” Because “la” is a French word.

Andy: How old are you?

Gael: I’m older than your mom and dad.

Andy: Are you in the fifties?

Gael: Yes, I am.

Andy: Oh. Well, my dad’s in the forties, and my mom’s in the thirties.

Gael: And what are you in?

Andy: I’m in kindergarten. [Duh.]

Andy is learning to tell time. He noticed that the clock at the doctor’s office said 3:55. Our appointment was at 4:00.

Andy: Um, excuse me. I don’t mean to be bossy, but that clock is lagging.

Receptionist: …

Me: No, that’s the right time. We’re a little early.

Andy: No, it’s lagging. It’s going too slow. Look, the second hand is stopping [i.e., it moved ahead once per second, but it didn't move in a steady circle].

We never managed to convince him the clock was fine.

Andy: I don’t like the scrambled eggs at school. They’re too bland.

Me: Hmm. Do they have any ketchup you could put on them?

Andy: Yeah. But if I put ketchup on them, then my friends and archenemies might think I was making an evil recipe.

Me: Why would they think that?

Andy: Well, I do make evil recipes sometimes. Like I made the most grossest recipe ever: applesauce salad bread.

Me: Yeah?

Andy: Yeah. And I also made blood log with blood. [It turns out this is a celery stick with ketchup.]

Me: Yuck.

Andy: And you want to know what really evil recipe I’m going to make? Booger sandwich with nose butt.

Me: Okay, I’m leaving now.

Andy and I put together a ginormous puzzle today. And when I say “Andy and I,” I mean just that. Believe me, I wouldn’t have had the patience to do all the work while he just watched or went on to something else.

I hurt my back last Sunday, so we had to postpone our Mothers’ Day tradition by a week. The tradition is that I get to make Andy and Jay go with me to see and smell the pretty flowers.

Despite his initial complaints, he managed to entertain himself.