“Next year, if Santa brings me toys, and if any of them are educational, I’m going to sue him for all he’s got!”

Andy was showing me around his new spaceship.

Andy:  …And this is the meal zone, and this is the rest zone.

Me:  Oh, that’s where the astronauts sleep?

Andy: No, that’s where they spend their accumulated vacation time.

“Aww…look at Super-Dog. He looks like a human. Except for his muzzle and black hair. And his tail…And his ears.”

Because we haven’t put up any pictures lately:

Me: Wash your face. It’s looks like there’s something on it.

Andy: Oh yeah, that’s just sarcasm.

Andy: Does Grandma Betty know “America the Beautiful”?

Me: Probably.

Andy: Oh yeah, because it’s world-famous. Well, it’s actually America-famous.

Me: Yeah. Because it’s about America.

Andy: There’s probably a song called “Beautiful Japan” that’s Japan-famous.

Andy: Would you like a dog that could sleep with you without crowding you?

Me: Yes.

Andy (showing me his latest paper cut-and-tape project): Say hello to the Paper Dog 2000!

“Mom, can I go to eye-fabricating school?”

Me: Andy, go feed the dog.

Andy: [Moan.] There’s another part of my childhood gone phthbt!