A Nailbitingly Divine Yodeller

Andy: When I get married, for the first month I’m going to get divorced every night.

Me: And then get married again the next morning?

Andy: Yeah.

Me: Okay….why?

Andy: So I can have more anniversaries.

Character on Scooby Doo: I have a plan.

Andy: Yes! I love plans. If they involve dynamite.

Jay and Andy have the day off today. I do not.

Andy: Can’t you stay home with us?

Me: No, I have to work.

Andy: I know! We’ll make a dummy of you.

Me: Mmm…I think someone would notice it wasn’t really me.

Andy: We’ll put a microphone in it. So when your boss says, “Hi Sarah,” the dummy can say, “Hi there.”

Me: Can you make the dummy so it actually does my work too?

Andy: Sure! I’ll just cut out the half of your brain that knows how to do your job.

Me:…

Andy: Or we could make a copy of your brain.

Me: I think I like the idea of making a copy of my brain more than the idea of cutting my brain in half.

Andy: But don’t worry. Even if we cut your brain in half, we could superglue it back together after work.

Andy was in the bathtub chatting about his plans to flood the whole house. I have a friend whose four-year-old intentionally flooded the bathroom because he was mad at her, but Andy just seemed to think it would be fun to swim around downstairs and try out his new goggles (which I got to make hairwashing less traumatic, but then forgot to use when I washed his hair last night!).

“Tomorrow I’m going to flood the whole house. I’ll run the water in the bathroom, and you and dad won’t take [sic] an eye on it, because I’ll put a sign up that says, ‘Caution! Do not go in the bathroom!’ And you won’t go in because you’d be too scared to see the water reaching the overflow part. And I’d fill in the overflow part so the water will not, will not, I repeat will not go down the drain.”